I have recently realized that there is such a thing as an international bro. In fact, I was just dating one, it was my first date I met on Tinder. I have lots more to say about the social phenomenon that is Tinder later, look for a future entry on that topic.
So, the thing about meeting a guy from another country, in the case of my European bro that country was England, is that at first you are easily impressed by his accent, good dressing skills, and general vibe because he is different from your average American Midwestern bro that you so often find out there in the wild. You think wow, he must have a very unique and interesting world view. He must like arts and culture and cooking or some other cool things because that’s what people like in other countries! But alas, the more time you spend with the European bro, the more you realize he does not have a lot of individuality and, like your American bros, he “just wants to have fun! In a group of 5 or 6 other, similarly dressed bros!” -Jezebel – see previous entry for a full explanation of bro typology and a link for this Jezebel article.
For example, this English bro I hooked up with wore just as much cologne as any American bro I have ever been with. My roommate actually said when I brought him home that when she walked in the house, she noticed the distinct smell of “dude trying to get laid cologne.” Sounds about right. In addition, this bro was an accountant, not some sort of cool international job where you travel and speak different languages. I am pretty sure that most English bros have another thing in common with American bros, they don’t speak any language other than English. The main thing about this bro that didn’t really do it for me was that he basically said “That’s aiight” or “that’s not too bad” (but in an English accent) constantly, and that also seemed to be his general philosophy on life, that everything was “aiight” or “not too bad” but nothing was amazing, or bad, or interesting. He really liked me, for some reason, but I feel like I was not a very great date because his boredom was rubbing off on me like the smell of his cologne… There was only so much to talk about since it seemed like his main interests were motorcycles, James Bond movies, drinking, dive bars, and telling me now that I met him, I wasn’t going to have to be on Tinder any more. You can only do so much with those sorts of very generic topics. In short, once I got used to his accent, there was nothing to distinguish this guy from every other boring bro dude guy I have ever encountered in the great US of A…
A friend of mine was also dating an international bro off of Tinder who she referred to as “The Spanish.” You guessed it, he was from Spain! The Spanish had similar accoutrements to the English bro, the accent, the fact that he did indeed speak Spanish and English (I think English bros may be the most similar to American bros in their linguistic simplicity and general vibe, at least out of the European countries), the dressing skills. But he had bro-y sports habits about futbol and didn’t actually like to go out and do fun things, he mostly just wanted to have my friend come over his house and watch TV. Definitely a bro move. So, the moral of the story is that a bro by any other name, or from any other country, as it were, still smells like a bro.