Maybe there was chivalry once…

I feel sometimes like my blog is me bitching about how dumb your average bro is these days. In my list (yes, I had to write a list to remember all these things, as previously mentioned, judge me if you want) of stories I should remember to write about in my blog, there are actually a couple that are sort of sweet. Most of them, sadly, happened at least 6 years ago, but hey, they happened!

So, when I first moved to Denver, in addition to having a sort-of-real job to get experience as a social worker, I also worked at a classic Denver ice cream institution. And no, it wasn’t Sweet Action, there weren’t enough hipsters for that shit to exist when I first moved to Denver! So you basically have two remaining choices to guess at, and again, I am trying to protect the innocent here so I won’t tell you! Both of the most romantic things that have potentially ever happened to me happened in said ice cream store. Probably in the winter, because there were too many angry ice-cream-hungry people for me to do anything but scoop ice cream whenever it was even slightly warm. You would think people would feel happy whilst waiting for delicious ice cream, but I think they just get impatient and it all goes downhill from there. Also, there was no air conditioning in this ice cream store in those days, which also makes people angry. Jeez, I sound like an old woman! But I digress.

So, the first story is this. I met a guy through my old roommate, he went to her church, which was actually probably the coolest church ever. Have you heard of Unitarian Universalists, readers? If I was going to get into religion, I would probably get into that! The reason I even met this dude is because my friend invited me to her church service because it was a demonstration on the Capitol steps supporting marriage equality! Best church service ever! And these people were seriously ahead of the curve in terms of social justice issues, because this took place in 2008 or so… So anyway, as far as I can tell, Unitarian Universalists draw from all different religious philosophies, but mostly focus on the good things that are supposed to be important in religion, like love, and human rights. So I am down with that, because those are pretty much two of my favorite things. Anyway, after the awesome church gathering down at the Capitol, they had snacks (another one of my favorite things!) and my roommate and I sat there and shot the shit with some people around our age. Among them, this guy, who I will call Tastykake guy for reasons that will be explained shortly.

So I’m chatting with this guy, who seems really nice, but definitely has a ponytail, which is not one of my favorite things. He tells me he’s from New Jersey, which, although generally a characteristic that East Coast people make fun of each other for, is sort of a commonality for us transplants out in the Mile High. People sometimes think I’m from Jersey, anyway. Around that time, I remember being told that I seemed like I was from New Jersey because I was loud and said “word” a lot. If being loud and saying “word” means you’re from Jersey, then I don’t want to be right! I still say “word.” I said it to one of the high school students I work with the other day and he looked at me funny. And I felt old. Ok, the point here is we get onto the whole thing that he’s from Jersey and I’m from Maryland and the things we miss from the East Coast. Among them, Tastykakes. What are Tatsykakes, you say? Delicious snack cakes, made by a Pennsylvania-based company, similar to Hostess or some other thing like that but with way better products, such as Kandy Kakes and Butterscotch Krimpets, or the best ones, Jelly Krimpets. You can google them, I am too lazy to find a good link. Now, again, this story is old because around this time last year I discovered that Tastykakes have become available at your neighborhood King Soopers. M’erica! But at the time, there were no Tastykakes available West of the Mississippi. Tastykake guy tells me that his mom knows how much he loves Tastykakes and sends them to him in care packages every few months. His mom is brilliant, I don’t know what the hell my mom was doing with her time back then, but it wasn’t sending me Tastykakes! Oh yeah, it was working. She was working to help pay for my sister’s college education. That bitch!

All right, I really need to get it together with these tangents. Ok, so Tastykake guy tells me he will share some Tastykakes with me sometime and I’m like ok, I will probably never see you again, but sure, bro. I am apparently not necessarily picking up what’s he’s putting down because I don’t seem to gather that he’s hitting on me. At any rate, my roommate and I head out back to our lovely basement home (that was back when I pretty much exclusively lived in basements due to being broke) and I don’t think much more of it. But apparently I, or someone, had mentioned to Tastykake guy that I worked at the previously-mentioned anonymous ice cream store.

One or two days later, he shows up at my work with a freakin box of Jelly Krimpets! We chat a little bit and I repeatedly ask him if he’s ok with giving me all these Krimpets, because to me (and probably him) those are like the equivalent of valuable swiss chocolates, or diamonds or something… He says, here’s my card, it’s taped on the box, call me sometime if you want. Potentially the best game a person has ever spit to me in my life. Thinking back on this, he must have either been in love with me, or just a really nice person always to everyone. And what did my dumb, 23-year-old self do? Eat the Tastykakes and never call him. Because he had a ponytail. Maybe the universe has been paying me back all these years for being a terrible person in this instance. Jesus, Tastykake guy probably tells stories about me in his blog about what it’s like to be the nicest man in Denver. He probably refers to me as Ice Cream Store Girl or something, but nothing mean, because he’s the nicest person ever. And I blew it. Ponytails aren’t forever, but love is.

So let that be a warning to you young babies from an old woman… Don’t sleep on chivalry, if it still exists these days. And go get some Tastykakes.