Here’s another time I experienced chivalry. Well, maybe, I am pretty sure this chivalry was in the service of getting in my pants. Allow me to explain.
Probably a few months after the previous story (so, circa 2008) about Tastykake guy giving me delicious packaged snack cakes and me not even calling him in return, I had another old-timey romantical experience. Kind of.
I don’t even remember how I met this guy, but I know it was through this dude who used to date my friend. They were roommates. Let’s say I met him at a party, because those dudes had a lot of parties back in the day. Many of them involved live music, because these dudes were in a band. Or bands. You know, those ones that are in a lot of bands and know all the other dudes in bands… Like that.
So I go on a few dates with this guy, who I will just go ahead and start calling love poem guy. We have fun, chat about whatever, hang out, etc. He’s a really good dresser, and is attractive and super smooth in general. He knows about cool things that I haven’t been to in Denver, such as the Mayan Theater, where you can drink beer AND watch a movie. I was very impressed at the time, but it doesn’t take much to impress young babies who just learned how to drink legally in bars. I discover at some point that the reason he is so cool and smooth and in so many bands is because he is 37 years old! Which seems pretty old to me when I’m 23. So I continue hanging out with him, but feel a little weird about it because he was starting high school when I was born. Want to feel creeped out about the age difference in your relationship? Just figure out how old the person was when you were born (or vice versa). If they/you were older than 10, you will both probably feel disturbed by that forever.
So after we’ve hung out maybe 4 or 5 times, love poem guy comes by my job at the ice cream store. See previous post about working in an ice cream store and living in a basement apartment if you need more details to set the scene. He comes by to say hi, we chat a little bit, and he gives me this envelope and tells me to open it later. Very mysterious.
So, pretty much immediately after he leaves, I open the envelope to find a card with a love poem on it and a drawing of a flower. Whoa! I recall that it was a pretty decent love poem, as love poems go. What the fuck am I talking about, I have no basis for comparison!?! It is the only love poem I have ever received, so I guess I can’t say if it was good or not. I have definitely received way more dick pics than poems (as has almost every woman in the world… up your game, fellas!). Anyway, I wish I had kept the poem because that would be AWESOME to post on this blog right now. But alas, it probably never made it out of that basement apartment because one time it flooded and ruined a bunch of my stuff. I don’t know specifically what happened to the poem but I sure don’t have it now.
So that was pretty impressive, the whole thing. I feel very excited, so I tell my friend who is dating love poem guy’s roommate/bro friend about this. Until now, she has not been very aware that I was hanging out with love poem guy. She tells me I should watch out about sleeping with him because he is a notorious man-whore and probably has STDs. She would know, she sees all these women in and out of the bro house this dude shares with her boyfriend. Yikes, 37 years worth of other ladies that he has been writing love poems to and banging… That seemed like a little much for my young, slightly prudish self. Yes, I used to be much less scandalous and would take much longer to sleep with people.
So I never actually slept with love poem guy. I hung out with him a few more times but I think he lost interest because his love poem did not make my panties immediately drop. But I have to give him points for going old-fashioned with it. Because even chivalry in the name of booty is still chivalry.