Anonymously Denver famous?

Oh shit guys, I might be getting anonymously Denver famous!

You may recall my previous post where I refer to what it means to be Denver famous. It’s like real famous, but less so. Some Denver famous people move on to become real famous people… such as…. Nathaniel Rateliff. Or Condoleeza Rice? I don’t know if she was Denver famous when she lived here, she might have just skipped Denver fame to become actually famous. Anyway, I may have my shot at Denver fame, specifically anonymous Denver fame, thanks to a local institution that defines what it means to be Denver famous, the Westword.

I was asked to be a featured “bro expert” of sorts for a Westword article about the evolution of the LoDo neighborhood and its corresponding bros. Because I am a credible bro expert, certified by the Department of Regulatory Agencies of Colorado. That would be awesome if that was a thing. At any rate, I was asked to literally meet up with some of the fine folks from Westword to go out in LoDo and help them make fun of bros in an anthropological style for an article. It was a good time, and I appreciated being kept anonymous. My fake name for the article was Allison. I wanted it to be Lindsey, but apparently that had been used as a fake name in a previous article… So many women named Lindsey in my generation… Anyway, now there is an actual chance someone I’ve banged and written about will read the article and find this blog, so I really don’t want my identity, or anyone else’s, associated with this shenanigans.

They used a lot of direct quotes from me in the article that are probably actual statements I made… I think it’s all pretty funny, but possibly because I laugh at my own jokes? My friends also laughed when I read it aloud to them. Then I made them all swear to never tell anyone I have ever dated or might want to date that I am Allison.

So yes, an interesting article about an interesting night of me doing what I do best, judging people. I will say that the whole thing was a bit more subdued than I thought it would be due to the fact that I guess reporters don’t like to stay out super late on work assignments, so we left at 10:30pm, way before the bro witching hour.

Also, when I agreed to be a part of this situation, I didn’t realize it would be the cover article for the week. I have to say, I appreciate the amazing stock photo of a bro with brightly-colored sunglasses and an expression that can best be described as “the look on a Colorado bro’s face whilst shredding the gnar gnar and being whimsically happy about it.” Props to the art department or whoever made that happen. So, check out the sweet stock photo and even sweeter article  here.

And I will remember the little people when I become anonymously Denver famous. I am considering making a fake web presence for my fake self. If you have any suggestions for an awesome last name for Allison, please comment them.

For all the new people just seeing this blog now, welcome. Get ready for more tales of my “frequent and disastrous dating experiences,” as they were aptly described in the article.



That time when I saw the guy who hit on me on TV….

Hi all, it is apparently the one-year anniversary of my blog today! Hooray!

So, a quick story for you. I went to one of my favorite Denver music scene events this summer, the Underground Music Showcase or UMS. It is basically a magical time where all my favorite Denver bands and cool national acts that I generally haven’t heard of come play for 4 days and it’s awesome. It also makes me feel cool/hipster/something because I have been going to the UMS for at least 5 or 6 years and now it is this big thing but it used to be only two days and no one used to know about it and I knew about it before all the less cool people! You must understand that I am actually not a cool person so this type of credibility is big for me. Not really, actually no one probably cares.

Whatever, the point is, I was at the first day of my most favoritest summer activity and my friend and I are waiting to go into a show and this guy starts hitting on me. Yes, I do occasionally meet men in person like people did in the olden times. He seems nice and compliments me and talks to me like a normal person. He tells me that he lives in Baker, the neighborhood where the UMS takes place, and comes every year, etc. He tells me he has his own podcast classic rock radio show. He is also clearly at least 45, which isn’t necessarily bad, but is on the upper end of my age range. He tells me that he just got back from filming a commercial. He is trying to impress me, I guess. Whatever, we talk, I act vaguely interested, but honestly I am just sort of trying to have a fun weekend and enjoy awesome music and nothing much happens because I am not at the UMS to pick up 45-year-old dudes. My friends and I run into this guy several other times throughout the UMS weekend, and he always talks to me and flirts with me and “hollas” at me in the street, but never manages to get my number or anything else.

During the course of the festival, I also get recognized in the street by some girl who has seen me sing karaoke at SoBo 151 and run into various people I know so my friends start joking about how I am becoming “Denver famous.” Denver famous is a status which is basically a miniature version of real fame, sort of like internet famous but involving less actual volume of people knowing who you are. However, you can still get recognized on the street (in Denver only) if you are Denver famous. Examples of Denver famous people include: any member of the Grawlix, Jake Jabs, Blinky the Clown, Kathy Sabine, Hazel Miller, Matt Selby, any member of the Flobots, Nathaniel Rateliff, DJ Rockstar Aaron… Let’s be real, I’m not even on that level! However, I think this is funny, and am possibly a vain person (remember, not a cool kid in high school, so maybe that makes it ok?) so I tell this story to another dear friend of mine one night at the bar.

Literally right after I tell the tale of the UMS and the people recognizing me and the guy with the commercial and radio show and what have you, I see, on the very large TV screen at the bar, a close up shot of the face of the UMS 45-year-old who was hitting on me! I exclaim to my friend to look, that’s the guy! He was for real about being in a commercial! I was hoping to find a clip of that commercial (it was for Go Auto or Groove Auto or something like that, apparently both of those are real things) on youtube for your viewing pleasure, but I can’t find it anywhere on the interwebs. But I’m pretty sure I wasn’t hallucinating. Just think, if I had played it better, I could have been the trophy wife of a dude who is in one commercial! That would have really upped my level of Denver fame.